Hard Stuff for me

Of all the things you think will be hard once you bring your child home I didn't expect this to be at the top of the totum pole at all. It's not eating, it's not language, it's not sleeping patterns [although the screaming has come close to blowing my right ear drum!]...it actually has nothing to do with Ayantu. It's our bio daughter, Sahara!

After the honeymoon period [2 days long for Sahara], she decided she was not liking this whole sister thing. Yes we expected some of that at some point on the journey. But honestly, this is the hardest part for me. It's not that I expect them to be best friends right away but I didn't expect Sahara to be so angry. The last 2 weeks have been challenging, to say the least, in terms of balancing our hearts for both girls. Sahara is frustrated that Ayantu can't talk. She's frustrated about the whole sharing thing. She's flat out mad that Ayantu likes Elmo cuz' Lord knows Sahara is way too old for Elmo! Of all the tears I've cried since we've been home, 98% of them have been regarding figuring this part out.

With all that said, let me say there have been glimpses of goodness between the two. Sahara wanting to pick out Ayantu's outfit for the day. Sahara asking if she can help brush Ayantu's teeth. They are little things, but they give me hope at just the right time.

We've been home three weeks and at times it feels like it's been three years! We're getting into a rythym and asking God for help...lots of help. Brian, of course, has been amazing. I don't know how the man stays so even keel about everything. I guess that's how God has chosen to wire him because He knew some day Brian would be united with crazy me!

More later...